I woke up a few days ago and just had this cloud of mama guilt looming over me. I don't know why. Nothing was terribly wrong with either of my children or myself. I just felt like I was failing at everything. And it dawned on me that almost every friend I talk to lately has mentioned feeling the exact same way at times. I shed a tear or two and called my mom, and do you know what she told me? She said it wasn't always this way with young moms. She said her parents used to eat steak and give the kids hot dogs and now the parents are giving the kids steak and they are eating the hot dogs! Okay, I know this sounds like a meaningless and weird example, but it really does say so much about our mindsets today.
I am not promoting that we not value our children or not have a healthy amount of Godly sorrow when we sin against our children, but I am advocating that we stop obsessing and convincing ourselves that every move we make may or may not scar our kids for life. I think we give ourselves too much credit and often discredit God's perfect plan and His supremacy over everything single thing that happens to our children.
Here are some things I have thought to myself and/or had a friend say to me:
My kids are sick all winter, I must not be washing their hands enough....I must not be feeding them enough fruits and veggies....I shouldn't have put them in mother's morning out so young....Oh wait, I probably didn't put them in young enough and now they haven't built up immunity....Maybe if I had a fed my child more carrots, he wouldn't have glasses....I should have taken the paci away earlier, now he is emotionally scarred.....I wish I could have nursed longer, then maybe my child wouldn't ever have an ear infection....If I didn't have to take my child to daycare, he wouldn't throw tantrums and act out....I am not consistent enough with discipline...I don't cook good enough dinners...If I had been there, he wouldn't have fallen...I don't play with my child enough...
Okay, you get the picture....WE BLAME OURSELVES FOR EVERYTHING!!!
I am included in this crazy thinking! I do it all the time. It's sad really. Doesn't the Bible tell us that it if for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free? Yes, it does. And feeling guilty because you could have done something differently isn't tapping into our freedom. It's enslaving.
The truth of the matter is (I am preaching to myself) that God has our children in the palm of His hand, and by His grace, God can make a straight blow with a crooked stick. And aren't we all crooked sticks? When we make a wrong decision or aren't perfectly consistent and smiley all day every day, God uses even that, our mistakes, for the good of his own.
If we are doing the best we can, then we can rest in Him to take care of our children even in the midst of our constant mess ups.
Kids are going to get sick, act awful, throw tantrums, lie, get glasses, get hurt, get stitches, hit their siblings, be selfish, have surgery, eat too much sugar and not enough broccolli, etc...
It's life, people, and life is full of all of the above, and we can't stop it even if we do everything perfectly. God is in control and what happens to your kiddos whether it be sickness or being bullied is not your fault. You are doing the best you can.
I have often felt myself feeling sad that we live in a fallen world since having children. Sometimes I just cry long and and hard that we have to live under this curse and so many people are suffering. But you know what, before I had kids, I never grieved the curse. I never grieved the fall. I wasn't sympathetic or compassionate and honestly I was down right shallow. I had no way of relating to those who mourn. But seeing the effects of the fall on my children has changed me. It has changed me into a person of deeper character. It has caused a Godly sorrow and a longing for the second coming that I never would have had before. And even though it hasn't been easy, I am grateful for this change God has made in me. I am grateful that when someone says, "Jill, I am having a hard time." I can honestly relate.
Yes, it is hard to see our kiddos get hurt or sick or act out their sin, but it is not YOUR fault. We live in a fallen world where bad things are just gonna happen. But God has a plan.
So I am going to rest....I am going to be the best darn mama I know how to be, and I am going to repent and apologize when I mess up, and then I am going to rest....rest in His sovereignty and trust in the fact that their hearts are His responsibility and ultimately they belong to Him.
